Relationship counselling is usually seen as a way for couples to reconcile. But if your relationship is irreconcilable and you’ve decided not to try to fix it, you can still work with a counsellor to help you part ways amicably. This is called separation counselling.
Statistically, even a case which commences in Court today will take nearly 2 years to reach a trial. For most couples, that is a situation they certainly seek to avoid.
So, how do you give yourself the best chance of reaching an early settlement, outside of Court?
You ensure that you and your former partner are in the best position to take advice, negotiate, consider outcomes, and reach a settlement.
The best way to complete these steps quickly is to make sure that you and your former partner are emotionally ‘ready’ to complete them – when you are both in the same headspace, you are setting your case up to be problem-solved.
The Advantages of Separation Counselling
If you’re wondering whether separation counselling is for you, here are five of the main benefits.
1. It can help you process your emotions
The end of a relationship is often accompanied by hurt, anger and sadness. It can be normal to feel an overwhelming sense of loss, and, some days, as if you have ‘gone backwards’ emotionally, rather than making progress.
These types of emotions can cloud one’s judgement and hinder the separation process. It manifests itself in a form of ‘paralysis’, where one party is just stuck in the emotional issues, and cannot look at bigger picture problem solving, such as tackling the important financial issues. It can also result in one party trying to ‘punish’ their ex through their behaviours.
One of the biggest benefits of separation counselling is that it can help both parties process their emotions in a healthy and constructive way – to work through the separation, and the reasons for it, and get ‘on the same page’ emotionally.
Accepting the end of the relationship, and feeling ‘heard’ about feelings on that subject, can help the move through the separation process, and get to the point of ‘acceptance’ much sooner.
It is when both parties have reached that acceptance that settlement opportunities can be opened up.
2. It can help reassure the children
Children can feel like their world has been upended when their parents separate.
They may think they’ve contributed to the situation or feel they have to choose sides. Some kids don’t express their feelings while others act out.
A counsellor doesn’t just benefit you and your partner; they can also help display to your kids that the adults are coping, and that things will be ‘alright’.
3. It can make it easier to reach a settlement
Settlements are often only reached when both parties are ready (settlement blockages typically occur when one party has made peace with the end of the relationship and wants to ‘move on’, but where the other party is a few steps behind, still feeling the shock and anger of the separation, with those feelings preventing them from making important financial decisions).
When you are both in a better emotional space, you’ll be ready to negotiate a settlement in a calm and rational way. You’re likely to reach that point much sooner with the support of a separation counsellor who can help you keep a check on emotions during the negotiation process.
4. It can set the tone for your future relationship
Couples who have children together are probably going to be in each other’s lives for the long run.
If your separation is unpleasant, it could affect your parental relationship going forward. Any unresolved anger or resentment can linger, and may affect how you communicate, co-parent and manage child support for years ahead.
Clearing away negative emotions will pave the way for a friendly and respectful interaction with your ex in the future.
5. It can help you transition out of the relationship
When all the papers are signed and the dust settles, you may be left with a crippling void in your life. Adjusting to life after relationship breakdown isn’t easy, and if the legwork has not been done along the way, it can trigger depression.
Working with a separation counsellor ensures that when all of the legalities are done and dusted, you are emotionally ‘ready’ to embrace a new chapter of your life.
Further, it can help you understand the behaviours and patterns which caused relationship breakdown so that, when you approach any new relationship, can have those things front of mind.
Contact Us for Help with Separation
BGM Family Lawyers is a family law firm serving the Gold Coast. We can help you reach a divorce settlement quickly and fairly.
Get in touch by emailing info.bgm@bgm.legal or calling 1300 246 529.
