Telling your kids that you’re separating will probably be one of the most painful and difficult conversations you’ll ever face in your life.

It’s a stressful and upsetting time for them – even if the talk isn’t much of a surprise.

Telling your kids about divorce

So, you need to find the best way to break the news.

Your child needs to come away from the announcement knowing that even though you and your spouse are no longer together as a couple, you are committed to working together as their parents.

With that in mind, here are five tips on how to tell your children about your divorce or separation.

1. Plan what to say

Ideally, prepare a narrative you and your partner both agree on before sitting down to talk to your children together. That way, you’ll present a united front and they’ll hear only one version of the situation, not two.

Remember, it’s likely your kids will have issues that need clarifying. Have a think about what questions they might ask so you can mutually agree on how best to answer them.

Of course, it’s not always possible to work together with your spouse. If your relationship is contentious, consider using the services of a mediator to help you work out the details.

2. Speak positively about the other parent

However angry you might be, there’s no place for blame or accusations in this conversation. You don’t want your children to feel caught in the middle or like they have to pick sides.

Be honest without being critical – which can be a hard balancing act when the divorce isn’t a joint decision or there is someone else involved.

3. Keep it age-appropriate

It’s important your children know why you are getting a divorce, so they know they are not at fault.

That said, you need to do this as clearly and simply as possible, bearing in mind your children’s age and emotional maturity. Long-winded explanations or too many details will only confuse younger ones.

It’s best to tell all your children at the same time, so there’s no danger of second-hand information. If your kids are of different ages, pitch it at the youngest’s level before following up with the older children at a separate time.

4. Reassure them

As often as you need to, reassure your children by repeating these four key messages:

They are loved
They are special
They have a place in each parent’s world
They can ask any questions at any time

5. Have more than one conversation

Your kids will need time to process how they feel. And that will likely change from day to day. With new feelings will likely come new questions or concerns – so keep checking in with them to see how they are doing.

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We Can Help You

Going through a divorce is never easy. But at BGM Family Lawyers, we’re the Gold Coast family law specialists and we believe a problem shared, is a problem halved.

We’ve helped people from all walks of life through many different family law situations – and we can help you too.

Get in touch by emailing info.bgm@bgm.legal or calling us 1300 246 529.

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How to Tell the Children about your Divorce