Ending a relationship is never easy. If the relationship is fraught with conflict, it can be even more challenging to end, and feelings of anger can spill over into the separation process.
But an adversarial approach will only impede settlement negotiations. And if children are involved, that conflict can be perceptible to the children, and it can set a negative tone for your co-parenting relationship in the future.
Just because your relationship was conflict-ridden doesn’t mean your separation has to be. Here’s what you can do to navigate a separation or divorce smoothly.
Attend separation counselling
Splitting from a long-term partner can put you on an emotional rollercoaster that can hinder the negotiating process.
Depending on how the separation unfolded, you and your partner may be at different emotional stages – one of you may have already processed the grief of the end of the relationship and be ready to move on, while for the other, they are still experiencing shock, and are not yet ready to move forward.
Does separation counselling really help?
Separation counselling can help you process unresolved hurt and anger and help you each reach the same emotional status.
Once you’ve both processed the separation, you’ll be in a prime position, you’ll think more clearly and be able to look at solutions with your ex-partner.
What will we get out of separation counselling?
Working with counsellors and therapists in this way can help you both learn something about yourselves, such as:
- How you communicate;
- How you manage conflict;
- What the flashpoints for conflict are and;
- What you should each do when that happens.
This knowledge can help manage the discussions you have about difficult subjects, and keep the temperature of that dialogue at a simmering level (as well as arming you both with strategies to manage the situation when things get heated).
All of this work is done with the following objective – creating a functional level of communication, despite the relationship breakdown, putting you in a position where you can resolve the important legal issues between you quickly, and begin ‘moving on’.
Hire an experienced Family Lawyer
Negotiating property settlements, spousal maintenance, and parenting arrangements can be complicated.
Reaching a consensus on these issues becomes more difficult when you and your ex-partner see each other as enemies and are combative when it comes to considering outcomes.
A good Family Lawyer will provide more than just legal advice
A family lawyer will guide you through the complexities of these arrangements in a professional and non-emotional manner.
They can take the inter-personal issues, and get you the help you need to resolve these issues via separate professionals (counsellors, therapists), and meanwhile help you focus on the legal issues, and your options in managing them.
This experienced guidance will help keep you on track, because it avoids unresolved emotional and relationship issues affecting the disposal of the legal issues.
To divide and conquer in this way (noting that each category of issue is important, and needs discrete attention) breaks the problem down into its core components, and allocates the responsibility for those components to the professionals best able to help with them – this can help save you time and money.
Use a family mediator
A family lawyer will also talk to you about the various options to resolve your case, including those which can de-escalate conflict.
Some of those options will be designed to keep your case out of court (which is unfortunately where many high-conflict cases end up).
Going to Court should be a last resort
With the current backlog of family law cases, resolving your case via court could take two or more years. For this reason, the court encourages separating couples to look at resolving their case by other means.
Mediation is commonly used as a circuit-breaker in high conflict cases. A mediator is an independent third party who specialises in family dispute resolution. They can help you engage in negotiations with your ex in a productive way.
What are the benefits of mediation?
Mediation can be beneficial because mediators are impartial and focus on helping both parties reach a mutually acceptable settlement.
A mediator can help you establish the terms of a financial or parenting arrangement.
If the mediator isn’t a family lawyer, you should consult a lawyer to draw up a binding agreement, explaining the advantages to each of you in reaching an early settlement.
Arbitration
Arbitration is another action you can pursue as an alternative to taking the matter to court.
Arbitration is a legal process, not dissimilar to a court trial, except that it occurs privately, with an accredited arbitrator (selected by the parties, such as a retired Judge or experienced barrister) rather than in court.
Both parties can put their case forward, and the arbitrator will make a binding ruling. This process can get you to the finish line in a far shorter timeframe.
Our Family Lawyers Can Help
BGM Family Lawyers is a Gold Coast family law practice
We have a team of legal experts trained in alternative dispute resolution methods.
For help with a separation, contact us at 1300 BGM LAW or book a consultation online.
