Separating from your former partner can be emotionally taxing at the best of times. But it can be even more challenging when your case is seemingly stuck, and you are no closer to a resolution, despite your best efforts.
You just want to conclude the matter once and for all so you can move forward with your life. After all, there is often little to be gained – and much to lose – by a case dragging on and on.
A new year offers a fresh start. Here are four things you can do to get your family law matter moving in the right direction for 2023.
1. Figure out what’s causing the roadblock
There are several reasons why your former partner may be deferring participation in problem-solving, each of which requires a different approach to unblock.
For example, they may be having trouble accepting that your relationship is over and wrongly think you could change your mind given time. In this case, a family therapist could help them work through their pain and accept that the relationship is at a permanent end.
Participating in counselling of this nature can seem counterintuitive if you are not wanting to reconcile.
Think of it as a means by which to help your partner move to the same emotional position as you in a supported environment where you can have open discussions and both feel heard.
Your goal is to help your partner move through their emotions at a safe, but expedited pace, so that they are ready to look to the future and consider permanent outcomes.
Another possibility is that your former partner might feel entitled to a different outcome than you (such as a different portion of the property pool).
So they are stalling in the hope you’ll give in to their demands. In situations like this, it’s essential to get legal advice as soon as possible.
An experienced family lawyer will be able to isolate the facts, and legal arguments around those fact, which represent the bottleneck, and project your ‘best case’ and ‘worse case’ around those issues.
That will allow you to complete a ‘risk and reward’ analysis, and decide whether to maintain your position, or whether to move closer to the position your partner’s position.
2. Keep your emotions out of the negotiations
Emotions normally run high when a relationship ends in separation and divorce. But while putting your emotions aside can be difficult, not doing so can complicate and derail resolution.
So rather than revisiting old resentments, think of financial cases as a ‘commercial’ problem, and focus your efforts on coming up with solutions, in particular, options which tick boxes for you and your partner in terms of your objectives.
Focussing on the numbers, rather than relationship issues, helps simplify the problem, and opens up option for reason.
When it comes to parenting, common ground is often found by proposing parenting arrangements that are tailored to be workable for you both, and when it comes to the property settlement, proposing a division of assets which sees you each retain things that are important to you can often see a ‘deal’ reached.
A good family lawyer can help you apply an objective approach to your case to ensure that you are problem-solving with an eye on what you want and what your partner wants too – it is only when everyone is getting something from the situation that a deal will fall into place.
3. Don’t get distracted
Your unresolved case can feel like a bit of a quagmire, and it is easy to lose focus and feel a bit helpless.
In times like this, it is important to be clear about your objectives, and what it will take to achieve them. This involves drilling down into a ‘to-do’ list and methodically working through that list.
Moving through your list, one by one, and checking items off as they are completed, reassures you that you are moving in the right direction. There is no greater satisfaction than starting with a list of 30 tasks and whittling them down to only a few.
Maintaining this sharp focus means that you will have done all the things necessary to, when you reach a deal with your partner, get it documented and implemented promptly.
4. Look at alternative dispute resolution options
Sometimes, tunnel vision, fixation on outcomes, and unrealistic expectations get in the way of you finding common ground, and you just cannot reach an agreement with your partner about the disputed issues.
In those cases, a neutral party, such as a mediator, can help, by being the voice of reason.
A mediator is an independent third party that specialises in family dispute resolution. As a result, they can, in a non-threatening way, prompt, and guide, discussions about difficult subjects, and ensure that there is examination of problems and solutions from all angles, all with a view to helping you and your partner to find a solution that you can both live with.
Having an experienced mediator leading these discussion can see all of the costs of delay – legal costs, the stress of an unresolved case limping along, and the lost-opportunity cost involved in not being able to ‘move on’ – all avoided.
Need a family lawyer? We can help!
BGM Family Lawyers is a family law firm serving the Gold Coast. Contact us if you need help with Kick-starting your divorce or separation in 2023.
Complete a short online form, email info.bgm@bgm.legal or call 1300 BGM LAW .
